Top 5 Reasons why Lady Gaga Sucks

** WARNING **
THIS POST WILL PISS OFF GAGA FANS. I don't have anything against you for liking her. I just happen to think that she is a full blown case of the herp in the groin of pop culture.

Reason 1.
She is lyrically average.

Her first popular song, at least the first one I ever heard, was Love Games.

"Let's have some fun,
This beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick

I wanna kiss you
But if I do then I might miss you babe
It's complicated and stupid

Got my ass squeezed my sexy cupid
Guess he wants to play,
Wants to play
A love game"

This, apparently, is the work of a great artist. To me, it sounds more like the ramblings of an over-sexually educated 6th grade cheer leader.

"That's not fair, you are just unfairly using one example out of her lyrics!"

No problem, how about...

"I asked my girlfriend if she'd seen you 'round before
She mumbled something while we got down on the floor, baby
We might've fucked not really sure, don't quite recall
But something tells me that I've seen him, yeah, before"

Or maybe...

"Hey there, sugar baby, saw you twice at the pop show
You taste just like glitter mixed with rock and roll
I like you a lot, lot, think you're really hot, hot
Know you think you're special when we dance real crazy
Glamophonic, electronic, d-d-disco baby
I like you a lot, lot, all we want is hot, hot

Boys, boys, boys, we like boys in cars
Boys, boys, boys, buy us drinks in bars
Boys, boys, boys with hairspray and denim
And boys, boys, boys, we love them, we love them"

and then...

"Feel like getting dirty now,
1, 2, 3 – My pants are down.
Not gonna reason, you’re gonna do, whatever I like.
‘Cause I’m happy as a clam tonight."

I could go on and on and on. Most of her music concentrates on how much fun it is to be a modern day 20 something girl who loves to go to clubs and drink and wear body glitter and silly clothes and sleep with whoever. This is the same method used by just about every female pop singer these days (a similar method is used by male hiphop singers), but for some reason Lady Gaga is special.

Reason 2
She tries to be David Bowie, but fails.

No, I'm not talking about the interview where she compared her performances to those of Bowie's, Madonna's, and Queen's. Artists are allowed to compare styles. I'm talking about the persona she creates. Bowie created an alternate persona named Ziggy Stardust, who was an actual character he attempted to portray through his music, style, and behavior. He did it extremely well, immersing himself entirely into Ziggy's life.

Gaga, on the other hand just dresses in odd costumes and tries to behave in a way that will provide the most shock value. To her fans and the press(and her wallet), it is awesome. To everyone else, it is a screaming cry for attention. This behavior has somehow caused people to label her an "eccentric artist" instead of an "attention whoring wacko who does odd things because the publicity makes her loads of money."

Reason 3
She is reviving the 'fake artsy girl who just dresses funny and spends too much time at the club" culture.

This subculture has been around for a while, but it was finally starting to die down. Girls were starting to grow up, put away their silver space boots, get rid of their neon colored makeup, and stop buying clothes based on how they looked under a blacklight. Yeah, they were still fake artsy, but you didn't have to see them walking down the street and somehow choke down the urge to hit them. Then, Gaga came. It not only convinced these girls to fish their multicolored tutus out from the bottoms of their closets, but it introduced a whole new generation of these girls to the world.... THEN made it cool. Now there are millions of little fangirls running around doing their absolute best to look like they got their clothes from the graves of dead transvestite hookers.

*an actual Gaga fangirl*

Reason 4
She gets political.

For some reason, when singers and actors get famous, they suddenly think they become experts in the field of politics. Gaga is not immune to this. I won't go into the specifics of her politics, I'm not here to bash her beliefs. I will, however, point out that famous people tend to be especially douchey when it comes to spouting their beliefs. She gave a very well written speech in opposition to DADT, but at the end of it she said, "Are you listening? Shouldn't everyone deserve the right to wear the same meat dress that I did?"
Calling even more attention to your attention whoring tactics in the middle of a political speech... Classy Gaga, very classy. I know, I know, fame is a useful political tool. Most famous people don't know how to draw the line between trying to educate people and boasting about their exploits, though. It's a douchey move, and it makes whatever side you are on look bad.

Reason 5
Attention whoring.

I've referenced this several times above, but I felt that it needed its own section.

Her level of attention whoring is beyond compare. She has, perhaps, surpassed any human being to ever live in her need for other people to talk about her. I hear that tonight she rode into the grammys inside a giant egg. She once wore a dress made entirely out of meat. Her costumes are so strange that it is often times hard to call them clothes.
Even when she isn't on stage, the attention whoring continues. She once wore a bikini to a baseball game, then started giving people the finger when they took pictures of her. She also went to her sister's graduation dressed as if she were about to go fight a bull and then mourn her own death once she was gored in the chest.
In her interview with Barbara Walters, she did say that it was a misconception that she was "artificial or attention seeking," and that every part of her was devoted to love, art, and be a teacher to all of her young fans so they won't be afraid of who they are. Art, love, and defeating fear are good things... but an attention whore wouldn't admit that their behavior was a cry for attention. An attention whore would, in fact, try to spin their behavior into something positive. I'm not sure that her cover can really stand up to questioning though (unless love means fucking everything that moves, art means looking completely ridiculous, and being a teacher means setting a horrible example for children).

Then, I come to the realization that by writing this blog post I am in fact giving Lady Gaga attention. It is negative attention, but still.... FUCK.